The important thing is always to learn. It doesn't matter what you're reading, what you're doing, as long as you're learning. Life is made up of stories, so always make sure to take stock of everything around you, and anything interesting that happens. It may someday make for a good story. But if it doesn't, it was still a learning experience. So go out, learn, live, and make a story worth telling.
It seems like lately, life has been pissing on me every chance it gets. The job’s great, really it is, but half the time I feel like it’s the only good part of my life. I feel like I make everybody I know miserable. I fuck things up constantly, and my friends are stuck dealing with whatever it was that I fucked up. And Jim seems to be getting the worst of it lately. All we do, it seems, is fight. Most of the time, I don’t even think it’s a fight, but he does. And then if I ever tell him that he’s messed up somehow (no matter how little or inane it is), he starts screaming and calling himself an ass hole. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do?
I was feeling suicidal yesterday, because my brain has been raped one too many times lately. There’s pretty much no way to win in this. Either I let Jim rant on and on about how horrible a person he is, which is about as untrue as it gets, or I tell him to shut up, which would make him feel even worse. It’s perfectly normal to fuck up from time to time. He needs to learn that. As for me, I need to learn how to quit fucking up so damn much. That’s all I do lately. Jim can say it’s his fault all he wants, but I know it’s mine. None of this stuff started happening until I cut my wrist open and was in the hospital for a week and a half in January. Everything started there.
It takes everything in me lately to get through a day without crying. I fail most of the time.
Why do people even put up with me? I’m a piece of human shit. I’m worth nothing. I’d go through with the suicide thing, but that’d only make people feel worse. I guess I’ll stay alive, to avoid them that pain at least.
