The important thing is always to learn. It doesn't matter what you're reading, what you're doing, as long as you're learning. Life is made up of stories, so always make sure to take stock of everything around you, and anything interesting that happens. It may someday make for a good story. But if it doesn't, it was still a learning experience. So go out, learn, live, and make a story worth telling.
It seems like lately, everything sucks. I’m fairly certain I’m more depressed than ever. Going to the hospital only made it worse. Not only was I treated by incompetent doctors who only wanted me for money, and booted me as soon I wasn’t making them enough, but not a damn soul called me, visited, or even asked about me. Makes me feel so loved. I sent out a text message halfway through my stay, telling my friends the phone number there and the info they needed to get ahold of me, but nobody called. Nobody visited.
And it wasn’t just the hospital, either. The only people who ever call me to do stuff, like hang or whatever, is Aaron. I guess that’s what I get for getting so buddy-buddy with Jim’s friends. The second it was over, they all disappeared. I guess nobody really likes me all that, nobody in the state of Ohio at least (other than Aaron and Tyra, I mean). That’s probably one of the most depressing things. I got so used to having a social life of any kind, and then it got yanked away from me.
I pretty much feel horrible every second. I can forget the severe depression every so often, whenever me and Aaron and Tyra are doing fun stuff, but as soon as I’m back home, or we’re just doing our own things or something, it all comes back in a tidal wave of hurt and suffering. I feel suicidal again, only this time I won’t cut or anything. I don’t want to go back to that godsdamned hospital ever again. They don’t do shit there, only make you more crazy.
I sometimes wonder if they’re all right, and I’m not really a person. If maybe I don’t deserve attention or affection or friends. Maybe I really don’t deserve happiness. At least now I know I’m getting exactly what I deserve.
I really do hate my life, and I’m not sure if I can fix it this time. I’ll probably never get back into Wright State, they have me stuck with a bitchy child psychologist instead of a person who’s actually qualified to treat me, and I know damn well that I’m going to get turned down for SSI, again. I kinda wish I knew a sure-fire way to die, one that wouldn’t piss everybody off. I’d hate to have everybody think even less of me (if that’s even possible). I feel like crying 24/7, and NOBODY FUCKING NOTICES OR CARES!
I wish I were dead.
