The important thing is always to learn. It doesn't matter what you're reading, what you're doing, as long as you're learning. Life is made up of stories, so always make sure to take stock of everything around you, and anything interesting that happens. It may someday make for a good story. But if it doesn't, it was still a learning experience. So go out, learn, live, and make a story worth telling.
It’s the one I’ve been keeping from everybody, sometimes even from myself. I’m pretty sure most of the people who’ve met me, who’ve known me for any length of time whatsoever, will think I’m lying through my teeth, but it’s true, I promise you.
I’m not good with people, at all. I don’t have very good social skills, I’m not usually comfortable around people, and I’m very insecure in any social situation I’m ever in.
Now, I know you may be calling “bullshit” on this very loudly by now, but it’s completely true. I’m just very, very good at lying. Over the years, I’ve learned to fake being a people person. I found out long ago that that’s what people want me to be, and I made myself into it. It took lots of practice, but I eventually learned to do it perfectly. I’m still that frightened, insecure girl underneath, no matter how at ease I seem, how natural I look.
I’m sick of keeping this secret. It’s gotten far too exhausting to fake it lately, what with every single thing going wrong in every way imaginable, all at once. So, I’m done with faking. It’s one of the reasons no one ever wants to hang out with me, I’m sure. They see the facade I’ve put up, and then don’t understand why I don’t call them to hang. Well, the secret’s been revealed: I don’t call people because I don’t feel comfortable doing so. It scares the living shit out of me to take that plunge into the unknown. I’m so afraid that they’ll say no, that they’ll yell at me for bothering them. It terrifies me. But nobody knows that it’s one of the scariest things in my world, so instead, they get pissed off at me for not calling them, and for being sad that no one calls me. I guess there’s no helping it. Nobody cares enough to take that extra second to ask me why I don’t call them. No, that’s asking far too much. Instead, I just get to curl in on myself, lonely and unable to fix the situation.
So now that you all know how terrified I am of making the first move, I’m sure you’ll all look down on me for it. And I know damn well I won’t be getting any calls to invite me to hang. Because that would involve my offline “friends” actually reading this. I get more comments in here from people I’ve never met in person than I do people I know in real life. At least ten times as many. How sad is that? It just goes to show I don’t have good friends, not that many at least. Except for on the computer. I’d say I just pick the wrong people, but I’m starting to wonder if the right ones exist. Offline “friends” have been doing this exact same thing to me for my entire life, pretty much. Last time I had good friends in decent numbers was 3rd grade.
