VampAmber’s Clutter

Dude, are you serious about looking for a space in the homeless shelters?

I have no idea how your life is going, but your blog posts really don’t sound like it’s that bad. You hadn’t mentioned having to sell any of your things to make rent or to buy necessities, and it hasn’t been all that long since you last had a job.

Shelters are pretty much for ex-cons who can’t get a job because of their record of prior convictions, for single mothers who can’t keep up with the number of mouths to feed, and for drug abusers of all stripes who just can’t manage to keep a dollar in their hand because another dollar means another fix.

Last I’d heard, you still had a fair anime collection, lots of manga, and a number of other things that’d be easy for someone to steal and sell for drug money. Last I’d heard, you still had a computer. Last I’d heard, you still had more possessions than you could fit in the trunk of the car that you’d be living in.

Did all of that change? Are you really doing poorly enough that you’d consider moving into publicly-assisted housing?

Because I didn’t really get that from your previous posts, but I didn’t look all that far back, either.

(Goes to read some older posts)

I’m assuming that you actually meant that you’re trying to go on Welfare as opposed to Social Security. As far as I’m aware, to get Social Security Disability you must both a) actually have a medical disability of some form, and b) have actually paid into the system through previous employment. And, as far as I’m aware, you currently fit neither of those criteria and yet would need to fulfill both.

Every year the Social Security Administration sends out a letter detailing what your accrued benefits would be, based on your prior work history. If I recall correctly from my reading of the last one, a minimum of three years of work history (in terms of 36 months of employment) is required to receive any benefits at all, and it’s pretty slim payouts with that minimum amount.

But no, I don’t think you need SSD or Welfare or any of that, what you need is to look into the Jobs Programs or into a Temp Agency or the like. After all, you can read and write and speak the language, which already makes you applicable for a shit-load of jobs. Fuck, look at how many immigrants get jobs every year, not even knowing English yet? You, on the other hand, have a GED and some college experience, along with more computer skills than the typical 40-50 year age bracket.

And as for your psychological problems? Pfft, my ex-girlfriend had much more accute case of bipolar disorder and was still able to be editor of a local newpaper. Psychological problems are all in how you deal with it, and hers was to never let anyone see even an ounce of weakness and to spread the shit to others when the stress got too great.

As far as I can tell, your only problem is that you’re a wimp. You need someone like my Dad, someone who’ll never let you quit, who’ll listen to your problems and tell you that you’re a whiny little shit and make you stick with it. The more experience that you have with dealing with your problems, as opposed to running away from them, makes you better able to deal with your problems. Having someone like my Dad FORCE you to deal with your problems, well, hey, you end up getting that experience whether you want it or not. And then, in the end, you know how to deal with it because you’ve been through it a shitload of times.

And then, with each new shitty experience, it makes everything else seem less shitty, because hey, you’ve been through worse before.

You just need someone who’ll teach you what a true and utter dick REALLY is. You need someone who’ll set an ultimatum for you, that if you don’t keep that job then you’ll have to starve, and who won’t actually let you use that option of starving because he’ll force your ass back to work anyway.

Because, honestly, that’s kinda how I and everyone else I know was raised. We had simple choices: help out with yardwork, OR get spanked and be forced to help out with yardwork. Do dishes, OR get spanked and be forced to do dishes. Do your homework, OR get spanked and be forced to do your homework. Get up and go to school, OR get spanked and dragged out of bed and be forced to go to school. Get and keep a job, OR… well, I’m not sure what he would have done, because frankly I wasn’t willing to test him on that point.

I’ve dealt with a LOT of shitty bosses and a LOT of shitty situations and a LOT of shitty customers, but ya know, most of it was pretty tame compared to what I got from my Dad. And so, I never considered quitting from a job just because people were shitty to me, and I’ve only ever considered quitting when I thought I’d be unable to resist being shitty back.

And you know what? Most of us don’t keep our jobs because we’re hard workers (because most of us aren’t) nor because we’re competent (because most of us aren’t) but just because we’re willing to actually put up with shit even when we don’t really want to. Like, for instance, getting up and going to work even when we feel bad. (The last time I took a sick day was in 2004, that same weekend when you and Caroline went to Taste Of Chaos because I literally couldn’t get out of bed)

That’s what you’re trading for money.

But you don’t seem terribly interested in that, probably because there’s always been someone willing to bail you out when you’ve needed money.

I have to ask: with your current situation of getting kicked out by your roommate, and knowing that you’re not down-and-out enough to actually succeed in getting public assistance, what would you be doing right now in some alternate reality where John and your Mom were dead? Would you find some way to toughen your skin and take care of yourself, or would you just let things get worse until you actually would be down-and-out enough to get public assistance?