VampAmber’s Clutter

I’m assuming that you’re referring to me, even though I can’t recall ever telling you said things before now and so I wouldn’t fall under the “why do they think it best to repeatedly remind me” question.

But, first off, I see your “fuck you” and raise you 25 “fuck you”’s.

I told you you’re faking it? Fuck you, I said no such thing, I instead said that you need to develop some skills (and some tougher skin) that you currently don’t have and have never developed. Does that mean you’re faking it because you don’t have said skill yet? Fuck you and your fucking whining.

I indicated that your life will magically become better? Fuck you, I indicated no such thing. You’ll have to work for it, and it’ll take time, but you’ll actually become HAPPY, something you’ve no interest in now, apparently.

You have depression? Fuck you and join the back of the line. Half the goddamn world has depression and you’re nothing special. I suggested that you DO something about it, and you have, as usual, declined in the interest of whining, blaming others, and demanding drugs to fix your problems.

You’re not faking that you have depression? Fuck you, because it doesn’t matter whether you’re faking it or not. As above, over half of the goddamn population is dealing with depression, you’re not special.

You’re too lazy to get a job? Hey, you said it, not me. But fuck you very much for putting words into my mouth. Me, I just said you’re too lazy to KEEP a job. And if you know yourself half as well as you indicate, then it hurts because you know it’s true.

You had a bad childhood? Fuck you, because I’m sure nobody else on this planet has had one. In fact, I’ve yet to meet anyone who had a GOOD childhood. So, does your “bad childhood” give you sort of justification for, well, anything? Nope. Does it mean that you deserve something? Nope. The world gives a big “Fuck You” and so do I. The sooner that you join the rest of us and realize that your bad childhood doesn’t squat and start trying to overcome it, the way the rest of us have our own personal bad childhoods, then sooner you’ll be a bit happier with your life. Not magic-poof, like you wish could happen, because that’s fairy-tale nonsense bullshit. Life is fuck-all crazy, and considering that you have a bit of a black humor, I’m always surprised that you’re not better at dealing with it.

You had a bunch of friends who’ve abused your kindness in the past? Fuck you, take a number. Again, I’d like to meet the person who HASN’T gone through this yet. But I’m sure that, since you went through something that everyone else has too, that that means you have been justified in all of the times that you’ve fucked over your own friends. By the way, I’m not entirely certain that I’ve forgiven you for leaving Caroline high-and-dry on the house, but that’s neither here nor there. Oh, but Fuck You just the same.

You have trouble dealing with people? Oh, okay, I’m sorry, I totally understand you dropping out of high school now. I totally misunderstood, as I thought you dropped out due to something light and silly, like not being willing to find a way around your trouble dealing with people. OH WAIT! See, I can do sarcasm too, asshat.

You think your problem with people justifies dropping out? Fuck you, because honestly, hiring managers aren’t going to care, they’re just going to look at the person who had the same problem BUT CHOSE TO OVERCOME IT (or, at least, TRY to overcome it).

You think you’re the only person who tried to commit suicide in high school due to problems with other people? Pfft, give me a fucking break. I’m glad that none of the people I knew had succeeded in their attempts, because that means they still had time to FIX their problems. And I include YOU in that too, by the by, because I think it’d be much worse if you were dead as you’d lose to opportunity to do something about your problems.

Wanna know what stopped ME from attempting suicide in GRADE SCHOOL? (No, of course you don’t, but ya know, Fuck You, I’m telling you anyway) It was the fear that there may, indeed, be Life After Death and that I may still remain depressed even AFTER having committed suicide.

“Life After Death? Why wait?” - J. R. “Bob” Dobbs

I said that you’re too lazy to keep yourself sane and out of the hospital? Fuck you, I just said you’re too lazy to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN LIFE. It’s not your fault that you have depression; it’s your fault that you take that as a blanket excuse for feeling miserable all the time. Do you feel better after indulging your depression? Do you feel better after releasing another screed about wanting to commit suicide? Do you feel better after sitting around moping for a while? No? Then how about starting by looking yourself in the mirror and *smiling* at yourself.

You’ve probably done some of this shit before. Good! I’m probably not telling you anything you haven’t heard before. Good! Now put it into practice! Stop making excuses for yourself, because those excuses don’t end up fixing the problem and don’t make you feel any less miserable.

You’ve been interested in NewAge and Wicca and whatnot, so I’m sure you’re somewhat familiar with meditation techniques. Same way as you push away the active thoughts in your mind to reach a calm, also push away any depressive and suicidal thoughts when they come into your mind. Just don’t cater to the depressive thoughts and they won’t come so often. Is it a magic fix where it’s gone immediately and you live happily ever after? Fuck no, it takes work. Give it a try.

But I’m sure you’re not still reading by this point, because hey, you already know that I don’t care. I mean, people who don’t care always tend to write 10 page screeds in response to people they don’t care about, correct?

But you know, Caroline has already told me numerous times of how she tried to help you, only to find that you were uninterested in anything less than a handout, so I really shouldn’t care. And I honestly don’t know why I do. I should have just deleted you from my Friends List instead of reading your screeds and feeling bad for you. It got to where I dreaded reading my LiveJournal because there might be another screed from you, blaming everyone and everything for your mood, and me having to feel bad for you. I should have just deleted you off the List, but instead I said hey, I might as well try to help. And while this email may seem bad, this is my way of trying to help, by throwing a Fuck You back your way.

So… You want me to die in some horrible nasty manner? Well, fuck you back. Only, in reverse, I hope that you fucking LIVE, that no matter how many times you attempt to commit suicide that you fucking FAIL, and that you have to keep GOING and GOING and fucking GOING, and that you never have anything for which to live, save only what you create for yourself. (So, I’ve given you an out, because any good curse should have an escape clause). And I hope that you’re stuck in a reality where it’s ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY.

Fuck that, fucko.

And hey, if you’re pissed off now instead of being depressed? You’re welcome.

(Why am I doing this? Because you screamed out, asking for help. This is the best I personally can do. Feel free to rescind your request.)